Yes, it’s only been day 1 and guess what! I’m still miserable. I’m miserable the moment i wake up. Not much that has change though. Haven’t had a proper meal since 2 days ago and hardly any sleep. Mind’s all stressed over school and all. My reaction kinda slowed down abit and i’m always staring into space. Feeling like crap and of course physically too. It’s like although i’m tired and all but i just cant get any rest. Been fueling myself with coffee and junk food since yesterday. It’s like i’m a walking dead right now. I’m currently so miserable and stressed, i actually forgot that i wore the same shirt to school just now and only realized when im in the bus to WS interchange. That bad. I admit to smoking yesterday, it was really too much to handle with school projects/presentations and upcoming lab tests. But well i didn’t smoked at all today. Well i guess today’s a start to change. I really miss you so much dear, i really do. I’ve never felt so down in my entire life before. I’ve been checking my phone every 5minutes just to see whether there’s any text from you. I’m tempted to send you a text today but i thought that maybe it’s just too early, you might still be angry at me. So i’ll wait for a few more days. I’m like slowly breaking down with all the things that’s going around. I’ll try my best not to smoke if i’m too stressed with school.

Even when i’m rushing for completion of my PM assignment, i’d still slowly take my time and keep checking my phone. It’s like nothing else really matters now. My eye’s are starting to get swollen and all. Begged at Yat to check for me whether you’re doing alright and he told me you’re doing fine. Well that’s good to hear but i’m still thinking alot about you. Well I don’t really know how to explain but i guess i was hoping if you’d actually asked him about me or something coz i don’t really know. Currently it’s only Day 1 and I really cannot take it. I really miss you so much. I guess i deserve all this and i know you still wont be seeing me or talking to me for awhile. Do you know that i always need you by my side, while im at my strongest and at my weakest. You’re like my fuel of life. The joy just to see you smile because of me. That’s the greatest feeling i can ever feel coming from anyone. I.MISS.YOU & I.LOVE.YOU.BABY  T.T

Well i wouldn’t know whether you’ll read this or not but this is the best i can do to let you know how i feel about you and everything that’s happened all these while. No contact for a full month is long but i’ll patiently wait til the end of exams to make things right. Its only the start of it and i keep hoping i’ll at least get a simple text from you to know that you’re thinking of me coz i’m constantly thinking of you. Been checking my phone every minute. I really, really miss you dear. I really do and i apologize for everything that i’ve done. The lies, being inconsiderate and insensitive towards you in the way i act and talk. Being unfair towards you. Even for the way i treat you. I should have treated you so much better. Better than a friend, better than a sister, better than anything coz you’re my gf and i should really treat you like one.

I’ve deeply regretted for all these things and im really sorry for upsetting and hurting you. I really didn’t mean it. I’m not apologizing just for the sake of it but i really mean what i say. I admit for doing all the things that hurt you and i know for sure, you’re definitely still angsty over me. All the chances i got which i didn’t really deserve and i still blew it. Sometimes i’ll just think to myself how useless of a bf i am towards you to make you cry. Sometimes i even hoped to be like some other guy who’d do all the things to make sure their gf are always happy but for my case, even i know there’s trend to it. Somehow i’ll always blew it. There are times i kinda hate myself for not doing the right thing and not living up to your expectations. How i wished i could do better and right now you’ve given me one last chance to prove myself. A whole month for self improvement to really change myself and make things right. To change and maintain it.

I should always consider your feelings with whatever I say or do coz i’m your pillar of support and i’ve really let you down. I abuse whatever that you’ve given me and i abuse you in such a way that I was entirely being selfish. You needed me all the time and I haven’t been the one to make you strong. Valentines day is coming and I don’t have the chance to celebrate it with you. It might be quite an occasion but I think that if we didn’t really celebrate it, it doesn’t really matter. Valentines day to celebrating love and affection between companions but i guess we should celebrate it like any other day.  I really miss you and i love you so much! You’re everything to me. How i wish if you’d just pop out of somewhere in school and just surprise me. Okay this is quite unrealistic but haiz la. I miss you so much la! Just one text will do at least. I can’t get you off my mind at all. Projects, presentations, tests and all the other school stuff. They’re nothing compared to you. Nonetheless, i will do my best in everything and i really do want to change for the better. I mean it. I’ve had my share of lecture just now and i do realize my mistakes. I hope to get news from you soon. At least something like your blog or something to know you’re doing alright and all. Haiz la. IM VERY SORRY. :(((((((((